The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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