I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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