I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
