Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
