Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
