Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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