I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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