What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
