Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize