The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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