if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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