i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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