I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
