Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
