Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
