Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize