nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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