My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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