i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
