At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
