I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
