Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
