so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
