true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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