I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
