One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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