someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
