went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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