I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
