And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
