My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
