i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
