I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
