everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
