Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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