We're like a lot better than the average bears
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
