i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
