News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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