Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
