Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
