I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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