I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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