Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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