Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
