Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
