Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
