Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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