we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
