And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
