I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
