So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.