Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...