The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"