Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
