if only i could text you this smell
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
