I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
