Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
