im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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