pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
