Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
