i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
