I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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