Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
