It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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