they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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