Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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