Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS