I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.