You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.