I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in