Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!