So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.