Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me