she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
