I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.