I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
