I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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