its not stalking. its research.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
