My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
